Fluid, confirmations, and a whole lotta drama...

I woke up this morning and went to the hospital for some more tests.  I felt like the "talk" of the hospital - all the nurses knew me by name and referred to me as "the accreta patient".  They were all super sweet, but made me feel a little anxious.  The nurse from maternal fetal medicine that was doing the tests said that she has only seen 3 cases of accreta in her 17 years of working for them!  I always knew I was special! :P

Little Ezekiel was not so responsive on the non-stress test, so they had to do a biophysical profile (BPP) on him.  They had to "buzz" him several times to get him to respond and I could tell the nurse was concerned.    He passed the BPP, but my amniotic fluid level had dropped to 7.5, which is not so good!  I am 34 weeks exactly today... exactly as far I was when I was when we found out that I was out of fluid with Judah (his level was 3.2) and he was delivered by emergency c-section.  It was a very traumatic delivery, and I was terrified that Judah was not going to make it.  Afterwards, I was told that he (Judah) was under extreme distress and wouldn't have survived much longer in there.  This was a very sick little Judah when he was 1 day old...

I tried hard not to panic... but it was a "bawling" kind of morning!  In Judah's birth, there were no other issues to take into consideration, however, this time, we REALLY don't want any reason to do surgery before the scheduled day!  Tuesday - only 3 more days!!!  Dr. Sullivan is out of town, but Dr. Cohen has me going back to the hospital in the morning for another fluid check and non-stress test.  I was told to go home and guzzle as much water as possible - and lie on my left side as much as possible.  I am drinking like crazy and praying that my fluid level rises!  If my fluid is below 6 in the morning, they will admit me tomorrow... if it is below 5, they will have to do surgery a.s.a.p.  Please pray that the fluid level rises!!!

Generally, I am not a very "dramatic" person... and this is A WHOLE LOT OF DRAMA for me!  I am somewhat amused at the extreme changes of emotions and how the slightest thing can "set me off".  It MUST be hormones!  Also, God has changed my heart on the matter of the hysterectomy.  I WAS devastated about the "loss" of my ability to conceive more children - and am now SO excited that this is my last pregnancy!  I don't think I could any of this again!

I left the hospital, and slowly regained composer... again!  God gently reminded me that He already knew ALL of this before I did - and that He had already confirmed to me repeatedly (it takes me awhile to get things sometimes) that Ezekiel would be ok!  After we had found out that we were having a boy, we had a "list" of possible names for the baby.  After Tom weeded through my list, we only had a couple of names left (we have a hard time agreeing on names).  I was anxious to have a name for this baby, and had been praying for God to confirm one of the names on our list.  God doesn't always work with "our" lists!  I woke up one morning a couple weeks after finding out it was a boy with the name "Ezekiel" on my heart and mind.  I didn't really like the name and tried to ignore it.  However, it wouldn't go away.  My devotions that morning was a reading out of Ezekiel and I mentioned the name to Tom (who up to this point was adamant about naming the baby "Tomson" - as in Tom's son).  He immediately agreed... and then said that Tomson would be his middle name!  I was in shock!  I then looked up what Ezekiel meant, and it means "God will strengthen"... and I was sold (I love name meanings).  So Ezekiel Tomson it is... and how that blesses my heart now - because I KNOW that my God will strengthen this little guy in the coming days/weeks!

Another time when I was really worrying about Ezekiel, I had confided my fears to a close friend.  The next day, I flipped my calendar (I think it was April 1st) and the verse was Ezekiel 34:26... showers of blessing are coming your way!  Again, about a month later, being slightly hardheaded, I was still concerned because I had spent too much time researching all the "could go wrongs" with my condition... and not enough time trusting and believing what God had already confirmed.  Praise God we serve a God that is patient and loving, and apparently doesn't mind repeating Himself!  I had been having nightmares that Ezekiel was stillborn.  I had only told 2 people, but was tormented by the thought constantly (it's embarrassing to admit now - after looking back).  The next Sunday at church, a friend came up to me and had said that she had been reading Ezekiel in her Bible and that God had put our baby on her heart, so she began to pray for him and me.  She continued to tell me that God wanted me to know that Ezekiel was going to be "full of life" (her exact words) and that he was going to bring such blessing and joy to our family!  I started crying, amazed once again at the goodness of God, at which point Dakota (my oldest daughter - and one of the two people I had told of my fear) walked up - and heard what she was saying, and also began crying!  God was building my faith because He knew that I would NEED to fall back on that at such a time as this!!!

I was reminded of all three of these incidences in the last 24 hours!  Just in time to get the "bad" fluid level results today!  God's perfect timing!

I am continuously amazed at the general "peace" that I feel!  Not that I don't believe God's word, but to experience that "peace that passes all understanding" first hand (when everything inside me wants it all to just be a bad dream) truly is a miracle and an answer to prayer.  I have such joy just sitting here watching my kiddos and their funny little antics... and am astounded by the love, prayers, and support of so many!  My periods of panic and tears are getting fewer and further between - as I confess and walk out my faith in the only ONE who can carry this burden!

All that being said, please pray for my fluid level to stay above 5 until Tuesday (8 would be even better) and for wisdom for the doctors about whether to have me stay in the hospital for the next few days, or home with my family (which I would prefer)!  Also, please lift up Tom in prayer as he is carrying the "weight" of childcare, cooking, cleaning, work, AND making sure I stay down!  He seems so tired and strained, but truly has been a rock of love and support these last couple of days!  Thank you all again - believing for a miracle!